Thoughts/Discoveries of the day...

-enviga burns less calories than excercise
-the words quota and quotient are not interchangeable
-playground sand does not, contrary to popular belief, cause cancer
Lata Hatas

I would like to make it very clear that Edible Staples were my idea. Sometimes when I am just sitting and thinking hard enough these things come to me.

On another note today at work someone called me to tell me they (and I quote) "lost their thinking cap". Basically, he asked me to figure out the area of a rectangle with which wasn't quite a rectangle. After a solid 5 minutes of discussion I came to the conclusion that he was sort of describing a trapezoid. Instead of whipping out those Geometry skills I put him on hold for 10 minutes finished up a game of solitaire made an uneducated guesstimate. I don;t think it is appropriate to ask someone else to put on their thinking cap simply because you misplaced or in the case of a certain someone purposely forgot your own.

In other news the oh so wise Tony shared a lovely tip with me this week... Don't bother registering your car, boat, or moped (in Tony's case) simply slap on a strip of red duct tape write 07 in sharpie and call it a day. Why you ask? Who knows... its Tony.

Also I apologize for my absence all you avid readers out there. I know you've been upset with me but don't worry I'm back.

P.S. J spotting on a dock in Scituate. She almost drowned when she leapt back in fear.

Love Ya

WTFLIP???

Celebrity news: Someone please inform me, what is hot about Matthew Mcconaughey?

He was recently named by People magazing as one of 2007's sizzling and single bachelors. Ok, fine, the single part is nearly undisputable. But sizzling? This guy admits to not wearing deodorante, and he is always sweaty!!!! Ick. Also, he never, ever wears clothes. Things that are sexy: clothing. Things that get old: public demi-nudity. I get it, you have sweet abs. That's another thing--all this man does is exercise, in the nud. BLAH!! Go save an orphan or something if your so bored with your celeb lifestyle.

My real question, though, is why are more people not making fun of this guy? He is obviously more self-absorbed than Harry Potter in book 5, plus HE SMELLS!!

Don't tell, but I really loved The Wedding Planner.

C'est moi la blonde

Bonjour tout le monde. Je vais bientot a la belle Paris!! Or is it beau? Do cities have gender? Of course, every flipping thing in French has a gender.

Anyhow, it's true. I'm off to lovely Paris in only a short day. Oh my.

I am going on-my-ownesque and am anxious to hear any tips, favorites, or suggestions you might have. What does a girl do alone in the city at night? Je ne sais pas, but you might.

Bisous, I look forward to your wisdom!!!

Hero Shoutouts!!!

Here's a big shoutout to the firemen who helped rescue S' keys from her locked car at a certain suburban hotspot earlier this week. Too bad none of you were attractive and young, but props for arriving so fashionably in a large, red fire engine. Also, your technique is magnifique!

INGENIOUS!!

You know what's the worst? I do. When you make a delicious wrap or burrito, but then the flavorful sauce leaks all over your hand and the vegetables start to slip out the bottom. Damn. Also the worst, when your s'more crumbles or when your sandwich falls apart in your plasic bag (very economizing of you, brining lunch instead of eating out).

Right now I'm totally bummed out thinking about all these things that are the worst. Oh wait!! The Special Sauce (who is not me, because writing, or worse talking, in third person is a travesty) invented a solution to all these occurences: Edible Staples. Now when I first heard this idea, I thought it was tres stupid because I imagined lots of kids in classes licking the corners of their most recent packet. But this is not the case! Edible staples are food products that staple together other food products. Just imagine, now, with the help of edible staples, you can seal the bottom of that delicious wrap so none of the yummy goodness escapes. Fantastic.

WORLD

This is something that grown-ups do...

Mingling. Wow, what a horrific activity. I imagine that to be successful in life, you need to be a wonderful and effective mingler. Unfortunately, I am not. How on earth are you supposed to start conversations with people you don't know? And in a room full of strangers, how are you supposed to pick that one person (or small, middleschool-esque circle of people) with whom to chat? In writing, this seems easier than it is. It's hard.

Further Spottings

While I quenched my thirst with a lovely libation from Starbucks, I could not help but notice our junior friend B sans his love interest J. B and J (BJ ha ha) are maybe my favorite pair to spot. The first time I saw them in the Buck J squeeled out of terror. Why would I be in the Buck? I don't know... maybe because I'm always there. It was weird. The second time I spotted the B and J pair was in Boston on Charles St. Guess who screamed/shreiked/leapt/almost died when she saw us? J.

I also saw A today. She didn't look like a chipmunk. Too Bad. w

Spottings!

At an intimate gathering of our favorite post-literiate we encountered some fascinating characters who had opted to crash one of our fave dining hotspots. Do you know who we're talking about? Don't you wish you did?

First, Ms. W and Mr. H, collaborators on the trio of H-W's that once haunted not only a certain place of learning, but also a particular car pool (how suburban!). I honestly did not know Mr. H until this chance sighting, and doubt I will ever have the particular pleasure of avoiding him from across the room again. Ms. W, however, is quite popular with the scholars, though I was thoroughly sketched out by a previous incident involving a camera, obliviousness, and an absent prom date. Oh well, it wasn't meant to be.

Second, Mr. F and Mr. M. Wow, what a dynamite pair to encounter unexpectedly. If I were trapped on a desert island, I would love to be with either of these two, let alone both. Though I don't think they are particularly out-doorsey...Did you know that one of them was personally aquainted with both Grace Kelly and Albert Camus? Incroyable! Anyways, rumors abound (in my mind, at least) about the nature of their dinnertime rendez-vous, so I will have nothing to do with their nasty and heartless dissemination (DATE?!). The Special Sauce and I had a wonderful convo with both of them, with Mr. F even tossing in some hilarious foreign-language allusions and digs at my linguistic incompetence. But fear not, I'm thoroughly competent.

What a magical night!

You Sasshole!!

Everyone knows at least one: that jerky, judgemental, yet hilariously on point friend whom you can't help but love. You never tell him to shut his mean face up because you want to hear all his dish, and you pray everytime you laugh along with him that he never, ever, laughs like this at your expense. He's cutting and fun and oh so mean. That's right, he's a sasshole. Love him.

Trendwatch: Purses

For those of you who know me, this will come as not suprise: I am trendy. Very Trendy. In 2002 I anticipated the poncho trend (ouch!) a solid eight months ahead of its 2003 arrival. I rocked leggings last summer, and I know you were impressed. Basically, I'm someone to watch if you wanna know what's up. Not that I'm not modest, because I am very modest...modesty may even be one of my best qualities.

Anyhow...recent purse trends have been spotted in the past week, and I figured everyone is anxious to hear all about them.

First: Purse-on-a-Leash

Wow, purse on a leash definetly belongs in the category of trendy and useful, because really a purse on a leash is little more than a broken purse, at least on a literal level. Let me explain: say the strap of your purse breaks so only one side is attached to the actual bag. Catastophe? I think not. Grab that strap and work it! You now have a purse-on-a-leash. Not only do u have to waste money on a new bag that will never be as fab as that perfect one you picked up for 2 euro from a street vendor in Nice (who hasn't?) but the authoritative way in which everyone tends to carry the purse-on-a-leash will make you look authoritative and in control. Sexy, non? I hope to see everyone rocking this look this summer, especially in the club.

Second: Laptop Purse (even the pic is scary!)

So today in the Buck there was one of those guys sitting at a table who made you thing "hmmm..maybe yuppy guys are not so terrible." FALSE. No matter how nice their haircuts or fashionable their jewel-tone button-downs, they are so terrible. When this man got up, it turned out that he was one of those "fine when sitting but not on the street types" (for those who are confused, basically the opposite of a butterface, and the same as short, but not good short) and it turned out that he carried a LAPTOP PURSE!! If you are lucky, you have not yet seen a laptop purse. But since misery loves company, I will describe it to you. On a table it looks like a normal laptop. Fine. But once folded, this laptop reveals that it is into leather. That's right, with some animal skin straps, this once harmless electronic device converts into a dangerous crime of fashion (practicality incriminates everything!) with a silly little handle at the top. Oh my! Why can't we all just invest in messenger bags? To all yuppies out there, be warned, you look even less cool than a certain M looked when she was spotted sporting the touristy mini-backpack in her native city. Sad. But M, I love you, and I'm sure the pics of my tonsils were worth it.

So in summary: Purse-on-a-Leash: FABU!

Laptop Purse: Tragic

Can you believe that feline aids exists?

Last night as I was flipping through in Touch I stumbled across a photo of someone I recognized. Who was it, K-Love asks. Bobby Trendy. You may know him from his days as Anna Nicole's interior decorator on the Anna Nicole Show, which of course I watched. I guess I just assumed he was dead. But he's not.

A fur cape is like if an eskimo had sex with a vampire and then birthed clothing.

I think Bobby Trendy owns a fur cape.

new post?

how disappointing that i, as a cultural critic, am forced to write new posts, not just read them. bummer.

on another note...hearts is in, poker is out. cribbage can't be too far behind.

Introductions: K-Love

Hi all!! I'm K-Love, creative genius and makeup artist extraordinaire. I aspire to be a cultural critique and prize winning children's author. Future projects: Why are cults so wonderful? (essay) and JoJo Buys Stunna Shades (illustrated book). I know you're awaiting anxiously. Almost as anxiously as we awaited Kelly Clarkson's new album. Disappointing.

Things I Love: living ironically

The Special Sauce

cake

Jews

Elaine

caffeine

trashy music

mint mojito gum

Things I don't love: most things

most people

sports

carnivores

MC's mom

mosquitos

spelling

I'm pretty fly, so stay tuned.

Shout outs!!

Shout out to cutie pants she is so influential and inspirational.

Shout out to MC. He doesn't have a blog; thus, he is not influential or inspirational.

Shout out to the proliteriate. Lets do it sometime.

Love Always,

The Special Sauce

Introductions: Meet the Special Sauce

My name makes me feel like the sidekick but really I'm the star. I have red hair. Sometimes I wear pig tails. I have a lot of goals for my life. One of them is to be societally influential. I'm the girl to watch for fashion inspiration. Some people disagree, namely K-Love, because I like to pair brown and black... also because I still think leggings are in. Unless I send the memo nothing is out. I take hip-hop class sometimes. That is a lie. I haven't taken hip hop in 6 months. Unfortunately, I can't think for myself, hence I have to ask K-Love what I think. I like to proofread. I'm going to see Waitress tonight. Maybe I'll eat ice cream.

K-Love should not be named K-Love she should be named BIG BITCH...or K-HATE!!

Stop rubbing your legs against mine...

Possible Future Plans: drink beer, eat pizza, hottub, make new friends, avoid MC's mom, be uncomfortable?, commune with the proliteriate, learn to spell proliteriate, influence society, run for president?